Summary - Buckle up toilet lovers because for some reason eastern Europe has some weird quirks with their toilets and toilet rooms that should make for some excellent reviews. Bratislava was our first stop on this magical toilet tour. You will find in a lot of cities, bathrooms are actually called water closets or “WC” on signs. But I am calling this particular bathroom a water closet for a different reason.

View - I am hoping after having looked at the picture you are asking, “Where the hell is everything?” That’s a great question and exactly what I thought upon my arrival. Well in this particular apartment there is a detached room with a shower, sink and washer while the loo has its own room. It’s just a very small room that requires you to wedge yourself in beside the toilet, before shutting the door because the door opens to the inside not to the outside hallway. So what exactly do I have to look at? Well there are two possibilities.

Door closed. The door that is inches away from my face.

Or door opened. It looks directly into our room.

Door closed gives me a panic attack and I love my wife but I don’t want to EVER lock eyes when I am paying my sacrifice to the porcelain gods.

Ambiance - As you can see and as I’ve mentioned previously, there’s not a lot of room to work with but you have to at least try! I want hilarious posters like “Please Seat Yourself,” “Live, Laugh, Poop,” “Roll With It,” next to the extra rolls of paper or “Use the Force,” with Darth Vader sitting on the loo. Make that little water closet a lasting memory for guests. Instead, there’s a shelf above that has some spray, a bowl of leaves that is supposed to improve the smell and some incense sticks. Apparently the owner of the apartment has been locked in this closet before with nothing but their own stench.

Cleanliness - There’s actually no space for this closet to be messy. But as we have learned from previous posts, cleanliness can take on a couple of different forms. Hear me out. If there is no sink in a bathroom then where does a person wash their hands before touching the door knob to exit? If things go awry, then where is the shower to jump into immediately after? Exactly. So while the water closet may not be dirty upon entry, it has the potential if not the certainty, of becoming dirty upon exiting.

Toilet Paper Situation - There was a little pole behind the toilet that had the active roll and the on-deck roll. My first issue with this situation is that I have to reach behind me to access the rolls. The second issue I will not dock points for, but if we would have gone through that spare roll and I had to waddle out of that closet to find another one… we would have had issues.

Privacy/Safety - This is probably the toilet’s most redeeming quality. Not only is there a lock on the door but if someone tried to open the door then the door would just hit your knees giving the occupant plenty of time to react if necessary.

Overall - Free the toilet! Don’t leave it locked up in a room all by itself.